To My Birthday Boy

To My Birthday Boy,

Oh sweet boy.  What a wonderful, hilarious, joyful, exceedingly blissful year it’s been.  What do you think of your life so far?  It’s hard to believe that, three years ago today, I was just going in for one of your last checkups only to find out that you’d be joining us in the world a few short whirlwind hours later.

I was making reservations for your birthday party a few weeks ago.  "For Felix's 3rd birthday," I said.  And I stopped.  That can't be right.  There's no way he's three.  Kid, there's no way you're three.  When parents talk about their kids growing too fast, they're not joking.  Three years old.  Soon you'll be all grown up, taking the world by storm.  

Your dad and I constantly think and talk about how big you are.  How many words you have, how much you understand.  How much you can DO.  Brush your teeth, check out library books, use the computer, "text", totally potty-trained, feed yourself without messes, sing and dance, run and play, be social, ride your tricycle, put your shoes on.  Everything is "I can do it."  You're so independent and huge.

And then, at the same time, you're still so tiny.  We see pictures of you with other kids and they all fit at the adult table and we can barely see your little face.  I love how we still have so much to teach you.  Not just big things like how not to be a jerk but little things like "baby, we don't eat the rind, just the inside of the orange."  Something so "normal" to us, you still have to learn.  You still need comfort and guidance.  You still want your back rubbed in the night.  You still need mommy or daddy to kiss it when you fall down and get hurt.  I am holding onto these moments and tiny human needs as long as I can.  Because, just like you say, "One day, I won't need a mommy and daddy and I will use the adult remotes and have Christmas lights up all the time."  

The first coherent dream happened this year.  You came into our room and said, "Mommy, I was thinking while I was sleeping.  About building tracks."  I ADORE how simple and sweet and totally "Felix" your dream was.  

You got a brother this year.  And, Felix, I could not be more proud of you as a big brother.  You are unfailingly kind to Oliver.  I keep waiting for you to hate each other.  But you keep showing me who you are.  You're kind and patient and sweet, just like your dad.  You want to help, want to hold, want to love, and you do it all so well.  And he loves you right back.  You are both incredibly lucky to have each other.  He smiles at you more than anyone else.  He looks for you and tries to follow you.  When he's sad and crying, you're what calms him.  He stops crying each and every time you sing.  Just magical.  You watch out for him and protect him and teach him.  Watching you two together makes me gush with happy.  

You're hilarious, even without meaning to be.  Things like "My mouth shampoo is gone" when your toothpaste is gone.  Or, "If I hear that one more time, I'm gonna turn you into a frog." when I wouldn't stop saying "what?"  Or, when you said, "June, you ate Ollie's birthday.  Ollie's birthday is in June!"  Or, "I want tired man pizza" (Little Ceasar's) or keeping your eye literally on the ball when we say to keep your eye on the ball.  Or, "Dad, this is eatiful." when you like what you're eating.  Or, "they're using the fire truck to wash all the fire away."  I love, love, love when you give your dad a slimy noodle to do the Lady and the Tramp thing.  Things like that make me smile and marvel at the connections you make.

As funny and truly clever as you are, my favorite thing about you is your kindness.  From hugging strangers at the Mariner's Team Store to saying you're Banana's boys, to being so sad that no one wants to visit the town in Cars to trying to feed Ollie your pizza crust to telling Floyd not to scratch so he won't hurt himself, to giving your dad some popcorn so he won't be hungry at work, to your random and plentiful "I love you, Mommy"s.  

I think you’re a great, cool kid and the best son a mom could ask for.  Stay kind, stay curious, stay little forever.  Tuck in on the movie couch and snuggle your dad, brother and me for always.  You're my most favorite Felix in the whole world.  I know I say it each year, but seriously, best year of my life.  

All my love, 
Your mama