To My Birthday Boy

 To my birthday boy,

Oh sweet boy. What a wonderful, hilarious, joyful, exceedingly blissful year it’s been. What do you think of your life so far? It’s hard to believe that, eight years ago today, I was just going in for one of your last checkups only to find out that you’d be joining us in the world a few short whirlwind hours later. 

It happens every year. IT HAPPENS EVERY YEAR. I just typed "nine" and thought, "No, that's wrong. He can't be 9." But, just like every year, it's true. Maybe even more true this year than previous ones - because I got to be home with you so much this year and got to SEE all the growth and change that happened. Nine. That’s ALMOST A WHOLE HAND, KID.

We’re at Seabrook just before your birthday and it’s been a peaceful place for us this last year. We’ve been in quarantine/lockdown/pandemic world since March 2020. This is your second birthday in quarantine. A lot of what I’m worried you’re missing doesn’t seem to phase you. You’re happy and thriving and excited about as much as you were in the before times.

We’re almost fully vaccinated. Mom and Dad have one shot under their belt and will be immunized at the end of May. We’re celebrating you on your birthday and after with a small party with family. You seem just thrilled at the traditions of dad making your requested meal and birthday breakfast pie.

You have really grown up this year. We never really had the terrible twos or a three-nager  but seven was a tough year. You learned. I learned. We grew. And now we’re on the other side of it. It truly was a phase. Who knew you’d ever grow out of it. But you’re so able to calm yourself, use your voice and avoid a tantrum. I mean, I can’t think of the last time you had an epic meltdown tantrum. Felix, that’s incredible. And so are you.

This year and we as your parents have asked just so much of you. We have high expectations and I gotta tell you, kiddo, you have exceeded them all. You’re thriving in your high-cap class, even remotely. You’re an incredible artist and author. I love when you want to use the iPad and your laptop at night so you can write. UGH, MY HEART.

I love when you wear shorts because you have the knobby knees. You’re so gangly. Like a golden retriever that hasn’t grown into its paws yet.

You are a master bike rider now and love to be outside zooming around every chance you get. Outside was made more wonderful by the arrival of new neighbors with a little girl near your age. Cul du sac times rock!

Your teacher this year (and next) is Mrs. Long and she’s incredible. She pushes you, helps you be more and more independent, challenges and supports you. Even when in-person learning opened back up and you had to switch schedules and re-learn some things, you and she did it with such grace. School is almost over. You’re so close to a summer more normal.

We read and watched the 3rd and 4th Harry Potter. I love how intense of feelings books and movies get you. During the last part of movie 4 your whole body was sweaty. I think it’s because you’re such an empath. All the feels all the time

You love unicorns. And dragons. And dinosaurs. And non-fiction. And strange but true facts. You want to work in a pet store when you grow up. And you talk a lot about when you’ll move out (doing the math to the year) your kids and pets you’ll have and their lives you’ll give them. It all sounds like a sweet gig. You also really, really, really like to be right. Like a lot. A really lot. But you’re more kind about it when you’re wrong these days.

You are loved. You are safe. You are amazing. I am so proud of the human you are and the one you're growing into. You care deeply about people. You want the world to be a fair place. You are inclusive and kind and creative and aware and sensitive. You are going to change the world just by being you.

I cannot wait to see what this next year brings. 

I think you’re a great, cool kid and the best son a mom could ask for. Stay kind, stay curious, stay little, innocent and blind to the worse things in the world forever stay kind, even when the world seems against you, work to change it. Tuck on in next to me and let’s read. You're my most favorite Felix in the whole world. I know I say it each year, but seriously, best year of my life.  

All my love, 
Your mama

To My Birthday Boy

An Ollie Tale

Where to begin? Ah, yes.  Concerning Ollie...

Ollie's are happy, jolly and love to eat.  You prefer to be held, comfortable and cozy, rather than run off and have adventures.

Thus making you a hobbit of sorts...

How in the world are you SIX. I just can't. You are growing as fast as your hair, which, by the way, has never been longer.

This world right now. The pandemic. The protests. The uncertainty. It's all so much. And you, my sweet little love, are handling it all so much better than many adults I know. You know enough of what's happening and you have hope. Hope and certainty that everything is going to be ok. You know that is not the case for everyone. You understand so much at such a young age. Things grown ups don't even understand.

You. Can. Read. I am just so proud. And would like to tell the world that the desire to play Pokemon video games is greatly responsible for your motivation. Well done, baby!

You still give zero fucks, man.  You tell it how it is. Honest and funny and true and in that tiny adorable voice that gets SO serious if we're talking about Minecraft, Animal Crossing or Diablo.

You are so in love with anything soft. One of your birthday requests this year was that everyone has to wear soft things all day long. Such a tactile baby. You love to fiddle with things, rip things into pieces, destroy things. You need a fidgit cube.

You were a cat in another life. Anytime there’s a small space you’re in it. Boxes. Under tables, in tents. There’s Ollie.

Your sense of humor and comedic timing makes me laugh out loud daily. From the original “wakka-wakka” to your puns to your looks, you are the funniest kid I know.

I love your love of all things decadent. When asked what you wanted for your birthday you basically said “soft things, luxurious bedding and all my favorite foods, plus candy, and I get to do whatever I want.” If we let you, it would be a five day event. And goddess knows you’re going lord your power over everyone all day like a queen.

Your maturity and sense of the world doesn’t come without a serious side. You often stare off at bedtime only to follow it up with “what happens when we die?” or “what would happen if you stomped on a skull?” You have such wonder and concern about things you don’t know. You’re curious and thoughtful. Maybe a little morbid. And that’s all ok.

In case you thought you had grown out of it, you have not. You are still “The Darkness”. From loving villains to thinking people are assholes for parking terribly, to ripping paper into little bits and leaving them on the floor because it’s fun to destroy, you march to a dark drummer. You feel things so very deeply and I hope that is always the case.

I can't wait to see what adventures we all get into in the years to come. Complete with second breakfast, elevensies and the other four meals when we can get them.

It's been an incredible year, one of the best of my life.  I'd do it all over in a heartbeat, there and back again, for sure.  Thanks for choosing me to be your mom.

All my love,
Your mama

To My Birthday Boy

To my birthday boy,

Oh sweet boy. What a wonderful, hilarious, joyful, exceedingly blissful year it’s been. What do you think of your life so far? It’s hard to believe that, eight years ago today, I was just going in for one of your last checkups only to find out that you’d be joining us in the world a few short whirlwind hours later. 

It happens every year. IT HAPPENS EVERY YEAR. I just typed "eight" and thought, "No, that's wrong. He can't be 8." But, just like every year, it's true. You are this many years old. How did that happen? You feel so old and yet so tiny all at once.

It's such a strange time to be alive right now. If you're reading this years from now, to bring you up to speed, we're a few months into a pandemic. It has been scary, weird, anxiety producing, and tiring. But there have been good things too. We are spending every day together. We are all more together than we have been previously. And, though it can be difficult sometimes, it's honestly one of the most fun times I've known. I get to see you learn and grow with your brother while your dad teaches you. I get to see you help and try new things.

You have grown up so. very. much. this year. Things that would have sent you into a fit of rage or anxiety are now just looked at and shrugged at. You just move on. You're always learning how to slow down. How to use your words. How to manage your emotions. Sometimes they win and over take you. But more and more I see you experience, acknowledge and process them. This weird time, honey, you're handling it better than so many other fully grown humans I see, yours truly included.

This year we went to Seabrook a couple of times. I am loving traveling with you. We went to Seabrook and had Christmas with Banana and Farmer. One of the best vacations I can remember. You started to enjoy and not fear the ocean more. 

We did many hikes and walks this year. You guys are getting really good at trucking around and along. Enjoying trees and plants and animals and water. I hope we do a lot of this during the summer.

Your first live musical was The Little Mermaid at Village Theatre in Issaquah. Boy did we dress UP and have a fancy dinner after. You boys have gotten to do some crazy fancy eating this year. John Howie Steak and Salish Lodge to name a few.

Our August trip before school was San Francisco - which you call Fran Sancisco (and if anyone ever tries to correct you I'll bite them). We did it all and you LOVED it.

Second grade started off with a great teacher and a super happy to be back at school Felix. I'm glad you had most of the school year in the classroom. I'm glad you weren't a 6th grader with camp cancelled or a senior who didn't get to walk at graduation. Those I know in those grades have been dealt a sad, hard hand. But I do feel heartbroken you didn't get to finish your 2nd grade year full out. 

You made cupcakes all by yourself for Uncle Evan. You are so inquisitive and love baking shows. I adore our time each night when we watch Great British Baking Show. You know so MUCH about it and I am learning to let you try more things like help with a lattice crust for pie or beat an egg. 

We have finished TWO Harry Potter books and movies! Girl. You are killing it with these books. You listen (mostly) and remember what's happening. You have favorite characters and ones you hate. It makes me SO happy to hear you gasp when you hear Hagrid's voice when I read.

You have finished all the Star Wars movies. All 9. PHEW. 

I wrote the next bit last year and it's still so very true. You love unicorns. And dragons. And dinosaurs. And comics and Star Wars. And non-fiction. You want to work in a pet store when you grow up. You also really, really, really like to be right. Like a lot. A really lot.

You are loved. You are safe. You are amazing. I am so proud of the human you are and the one you're growing into. You care deeply about people. You want the world to be a fair place. You said you wouldn't have your shirt off in public because women can't and that's bullshit. You are going to change the world just by being you.

I cannot wait to see what this next year brings.

I think you’re a great, cool kid and the best son a mom could ask for. Stay kind, stay curious, stay little, innocent and blind to the worse things in the world forever. Tuck on in next to me and let’s read. You're my most favorite Felix in the whole world. I know I say it each year, but seriously, best year of my life.  

All my love, 
Your mama

To My Birthday Boy

An Ollie Tale

Where to begin? Ah, yes.  Concerning Ollie...

Ollie's are happy, jolly and love to eat.  You prefer to be held, comfortable and cozy, rather than run off and have adventures.

Thus making you a hobbit of sorts...

You. Are. FIVE. I just can’t even. You are so sassy and opinionated and hilarious. Wakka wakka. No one can make you do something you don’t want. You cry easy and love easy. You LOVE YOUR DAD more than anything in this world. you pull adult human size booger’s out of your little nose and love to show them to me. You still give zero fucks, man.  You tell it how it is. Honest and funny and true and in that tiny adorable voice.

We’re working on you feeling your feels, baby. You have so many emotions and all of them are ok. No matter what you’re feeling, it all matters. We are working on HOW we express them. Let it out, love.

You are so in love with anything soft. Your blankets have to be perfect. You like the flip tuck dad does. I love love love when you want to be tucked back in. You are your father’s child.

You are like a cat, hiding and squeezing yourself into corners or between couch and ottoman, watching the iPad.

Your love of music, holy crap. You love music of any kind. 80’s glam rock, 90’s pop, musicals, commercial jingles. Anything and everything. You feel it in your soul. “Add this to my favorites!” Is the phrase you yell so very often. Watching you dance to Black Betty is a common and excellent occurrence in this house.

You are going to be an engineer along side your rockstar status. The way you figure math out ASTOUNDS me. It is just so logical to you. You sit and think for a split second and then give the answer. Just like “duh”. You love to figure things out, set it up, take it apart, rebuild. Your imagination is limitless and I love that you think you can do it all. Because you can.

In case you thought you had grown out of it, you have not. You are still “The Darkness”. From loving villains to thinking people are assholes for parking terribly, to ripping paper into little bits and leaving them on the floor because it’s fun to destroy, you march to a dark drummer. You feel things so very deeply and I hope that is always the case.

I see your curly head and giant eyeballs and wonder what else you got from me. Because almost everything I see and hear and feel from you is 100% from your father. But every once in a while, I see the little bits you got from me. When you line things up and smile because it looks good, that’s me. When you listen fervently to and tear up at the Eddie Saga stories I tell you and your brother, that’s me. When you make up your own stories, that’s me.

I can't wait to see what adventures we all get into in the years to come. Complete with second breakfast, elevensies and the other four meals when we can get them.

It's been an incredible year, one of the best of my life.  I'd do it all over in a heartbeat, there and back again, for sure.  Thanks for choosing me to be your mom.

All my love,
Your mama

To My Birthday Boy

To My Birthday Boy,

Oh sweet boy. What a wonderful, hilarious, joyful, exceedingly blissful year it’s been. What do you think of your life so far? It’s hard to believe that, seven years ago today, I was just going in for one of your last checkups only to find out that you’d be joining us in the world a few short whirlwind hours later. 

It happens every year. I reach for the right numbered (in this case, a 7)candle and pause, think, “Wait, that can’t be right.” Only to remember, yeah, no, that’s the right number. You are growing so fast. I don’t always see it every day but looking back, man alive. Growing up is fast, hard work.

I love how much you read. It so reminds me of how I read as a kid. Voraciously and regardless of subject. Your little brain is constantly being opened more and more. You’re learning so fast and remember so much. It lends itself well to your know-it-all tendencies. I love to hear Ollie yelling for you to help him read something in a video game. And I kind of love/hate that I can't skip parts in a book anymore because you call me out hard on it.

You have had such giant feelings this last year. It seems that any time you don’t have big feelings, the emotional delivery elephant stops by and deposits more into your bank. We are working hard on how to have those big feelings. How important it is to know you are allowed your feelings. That they are all valid and matter. It’s the how we handle them that you’re starting to pick up on.

You are learning things about the world. This often breaks my heart because you’re finding not everyone is kind, good and truthful. You don’t understand why people say things are girl things or boy things. You don’t understand why some people don’t have homes. You don’t understand why your dollar can’t fix problems. Your gentle heart wants to help everyone and every thing. And you will. You get that from your dad - this genuine desire to help everyone. 

You love unicorns. And dragons. And dinosaurs. And comics and Star Wars. And non-fiction. You want to work in a pet store when you grow up. You also really, really, really like to be right. Like a lot. A really lot.

You crumple at the thought of any change - new pillowcase, old car being sold, comic book store closing. When mom said “green-blue” yesterday and today said “blue-green”. Everything you feel, you feel 1000%.

You loved your longest plane rides to and from Disneyworld this year. And you rocked the lines, the walking, the rides and the pool. Your favorite part was def the pool in our backyard.

I can't thank you enough for all you're teaching me. How to relax. How to change plans. How to listen harder, better and more often. How to start over again. How to make mistakes and move on. How to play Zelda 4 Swords while you and Ollie watch me fail over and over again. I'm not the best student but you are by far one of my best teachers.

I cannot wait to see what this next year brings.

I hope you are yourself, are happy and are constantly learning.

I think you’re a great, cool kid and the best son a mom could ask for. Stay kind, stay curious, stay little, innocent and blind to the worse things in the world forever. Tuck on in next to me and let’s read. You're my most favorite Felix in the whole world. I know I say it each year, but seriously, best year of my life.  

All my love, 
Your mama

To My Birthday Boy

An Ollie Tale

Where to begin? Ah, yes.  Concerning Ollie...

Ollie's are happy, jolly and love to eat.  You prefer to be held, comfortable and cozy, rather than run off and have adventures. 

Thus making you a hobbit of sorts...

Kid, you gotta stop growing.  I cannot believe you're FOUR years old.  I looked at your birthday entry for last year and it feels just so far away.  You've grown so much in the last year.  You are, and always have been, your own person.  It's just got a bit of sass on it now.  No one, not even your dad and I, can make you do anything you don't want to do.  I love and hate that.  It will serve you well in your life but when I tell you to pick up your pants off the floor it makes me crazy.  You give zero fucks, man.  

You have such emotions and are learning to manage them.  If you're embarrassed, scared, sad or mad you try to hide away until the feeling passes.  We encourage you to let the tears out if you've got them.  Because it's okay to cry.  However you're feeling, it's okay.  

You still aren't a fan of bugs.  But now, when you're feeling brave and you see a flying bug you sing "Shoo, Fly, Don't Bother Me" like a champ, then run over to tell us you were brave.  

You have become even more of a comfort baby.  You are like a cat, hiding and squeezing yourself into corners or between couch and ottoman, watching the iPad.  You love to be enclosed or hidden.  Good thing one of your gifts this year was a fort from Ms. Christine.

I love how much you love your people.  And whenever we ask you why you love someone, your answer still is, "because I do."  That's true love, sweets.  Just because you do.  I just love that.  

The Beatles are a serious love of yours.  I think you know more Beatles songs than I do.  I love your love of music.  You get that from your mom and dad.  We love to sing and dance and be silly with a song on all the time.  I ADORE when we're out and a song comes on, you stop and yell, "We know this song!" Like it's the craziest thing ever.  

You are so articulate and honest and creative and I can always see your mind figuring things out.  When you ask me "Are me and Goh-Goh (Felix) completely different kids still?" And boy are you.  I can't get over how you tackle a problem and how Felix does.  This causes strife with you two but it also makes you so bonded.  I am so happy when I hear the laughing from the USLR or the back of the van because you both are playing and imagining.

You are definitely still "The Darkness".  From choosing to play the villain to enjoying Diablo to refusing to accept your brother's apology just to hurt him to your questions about death - you're The Darkness.  Your questions about death and dying and how does it feel and when will it happen are all asked so fervently and usually at bedtime.  I hope your dad and I provide you comfort and answers.  It can be a scary world out there, but I want to answer all your questions as honestly and clearly as I can.

Finally, I rarely see me in you.  Yes, we have the same curly hair and big eyeballs but you are your dad, though and through.  But every once in a while, I can see me.  When you walk into a crowded room, look around and go, "Nope" and we leave - that you get from me.  When you want to do all the things and then really don't want to do anything, you get that from me.

I can't wait to see what adventures we all get into in the years to come. Complete with second breakfast, elevensies and the other four meals when we can get them.

It's been an incredible year, one of the best of my life.  I'd do it all over in a heartbeat, there and back again, for sure.  Thanks for choosing me to be your mom.

All my love,
Your mama

To My Birthday Boy

To My Birthday Boy,

Oh sweet boy.  What a wonderful, hilarious, joyful, exceedingly blissful year it’s been.  What do you think of your life so far?  It’s hard to believe that, six years ago today, I was just going in for one of your last checkups only to find out that you’d be joining us in the world a few short whirlwind hours later. 

Every time someone asks me how old my kids are I hesitate because it cannot possibly be true you are six years old.  You're such a whole PERSON these days, I can't get over it.  So much has changed in one year.

I swell with pride when you own your feelings. When you read me a book. When you are kind and giving without a thought they you shouldn’t be. When you think of others. When you encourage your brother or a stranger.  When you remind me you’re only six.  

I cannot believe you’re six. You’re in SCHOOL. You’re reading. You like to sit and think about numbers. “Mom. Did you know 5 and 11 is 16?” You did not get that from me. 

You and I are so similar. We have the same wants and desires and issues. We are very particular in how we want things done. We are, I’m sorry, totally Type A personalities. This will serve you well when you’re grown. It’ll get things done. You’ll be really organized and in charge. But being like this while small and growing up, can be challenging, to say the least. 

I guess what I want you to know about the way our brains can work is that, you’ll always be thinking, figuring out, running things over in your brain, sometimes overthinking and being anxious, but it’s okay. It’s all part of the wonderful person you are. Your magnificent brain is a valid, essential part of the keen intellect you possess. It’s not anything you can or should change. Now and In the coming years, we’ll help you, teach you, to harness it and direct it to greatness, comfort and happiness.

Because we’re so similar, we’re often at each other’s throats. I’m grateful we are both so verbal so after the fighting and yelling and bickering we can talk about whatever has happened, go forward, start again. I can tell it shows you it’s okay to start again. To mess up. To tell and fight. Because we ALWAYS love each other.  The beginning again doesn't even seem to phase you these days.

I love that you ask me “Will you always love me?”  I will always love you. No matter what. There isn’t anything you could do to make me stop loving you. Even though you think it’s fun to suggest things that could make me stop. For the record, even if you break a door or stomp on me, I’d still love you.

You are a pretty social, popular kid. I like to think it’s because you’re kind and inclusive. You never seem to leave anyone out. You are who you are regardless of who you’re around. You’re an insufferable know-it-all, just like your Ravenclaw mom.  You are such an extrovert and love the flurry of people.  It fuels you, kid.  And then you sleep really hard.

This year, you’ve started to learn that life isn’t fair, people aren’t always kind, things aren’t always happy. You tell me, “Mom, let me get through my feelings.” And self talk “calm down, deep breath”. You’ve never been a little kid, babe. You’ve always been 40 years old. Would wear a bow tie and sweater vests 365 if you knew that was an option.  You've got an old soul.

Pokemon, as much as I thought it would be a blip on the screen, is still going strong in our house.  The battles and training and gaming is just everywhere.  Your birthday party, for the second year in a row, was Pokemon.  Wow, it's just your favorite and it's something you and your dad can bond over.  I'm trying to learn it and love it. 

You are getting into gaming in general.  You love playing Diablo with dad and Bean.  You are even getting better at the Nintendo.  I love watching you figure out games.  Figure out they are hard on purpose and get frustrated.

I think you’re a great, cool kid and the best son a mom could ask for.  Stay kind, stay curious, stay little forever.  Tuck in on the movie couch and snuggle your dad, brother and me for always.  You're my most favorite Felix in the whole world.  I know I say it each year, but seriously, best year of my life.  

All my love, 
Your mama